This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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