She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
