I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
