Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
