sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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