After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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