i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
