he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
