Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
