is your mom at the bar?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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