She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
