he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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