K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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