how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
