Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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