so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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