think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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