I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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