Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
