Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
