People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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