stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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