I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize