there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
