All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
