He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
