An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
