is your mom at the bar?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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