There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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