I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you had me at cake vodka
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
