Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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