I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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