I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
