I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
