I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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