I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
