Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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