apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize