I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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