Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
