I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
