Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
