'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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