Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
