so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
