So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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