No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
