Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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