I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
