Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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