Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
