When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
