she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
