I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
