I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
