Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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