So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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