I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm like, not good at living.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize