he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
