I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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