This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize