dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think my moral compass just broke
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
