I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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