Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
