tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
