I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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