just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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