So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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