How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
