Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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