Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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